


Just What I'm Used To

by TheFabRosevest



Series: Death [4]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Developing Relationship, Friendship/Love, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:29:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFabRosevest/pseuds/TheFabRosevest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is about Sam being a teenager and how Brendon and Ryan deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just What I'm Used To

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is about Sam. People really started to like him so I decided to write a short thingy about him.

“You even fight like a girl!” the idiot above me yells.

“Fuck you!”  
“And you can’t curse right as well.”

He’s holding one of my hands down and I try to push him off me with my free hand. Just when I think he’s about to back off I see how he raises his fist and react quickly, kicking him in the balls.

“Uff!” he lets out and holds his nuts, rolling off of me.

I stumble to my feet and look down at him and then up at the other students surrounding us.

I’m about to turn away when I hear a voice and flinch.

“Mr. Urie! In my office! Now!”

I groan and turn around to face the principal, Mrs Brown.

“But I didn’t do anything!” I whine and her look starts to get furious. “Alright!”

I run past her, already knowing the way.

After I waited for ten minutes she finally walks up to me and opens the door to her office. I get up from the uncomfortable chair in the hall and step inside, sitting down on one of the chairs (those are uncomfortable as well).

She rounds the table and sits down.

“Sam, why do I always have to get you out of fights?” she sighs.

“I’m not the one starting them!”

She holds up one hand and I glare at her.

“I already called your father. He will be here soon to pick you up.”

I roll my eyes just when the door opens.

“What did he do this time?” Ryan asks.

“Another fight”

“Why do you even call me just because he got into a fight? Kids get into fights all the time.”

“Listen, Mr. Urie- ”

“No, this is the last time I’m going to show up. Seriously, he’s sixteen. He’s old enough.”

Mrs Brown sighs and nods.

“You can go.” She says and I nod and jump off the chair and hurry out of the room.

“Where do you think you’re going, young man?” Ryan asks behind me and I grimace and stop in my tracks.

He closes the door behind himself and the glare fades away.

“Who was it this time?” he asks.

“That idiot Tony.”

“Isn’t he like … twice your size?”

“Yes, I hope you understand why I’m proud.”

“Seems like you backed out of it pretty quickly since your face still looks normal.” He laughs and walks past me.

“Thank you very much.”

“It’s not my fault you get kicked around because you don’t have a backbone.”

“Excuse me? This is your fault! They kick me around because of you and Brendon.”

“Shut up and come on. I don’t want to miss the next bus.”

I roll my eyes and run after him.

“You should just learn how to drive, you know? That would make everything easier.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He says.

He opens the front door and we walk out.

“God, I hate this shithole.” I whisper and kick at a bottle lying on the ground.

“I totally understand you. I hated school as well.”

“Dad, you were in school like … hundred years ago?”

He raises his eyebrows at me and I shrug.

“It’s true.”

“Maybe not hundred years.” He mumbles thoughtfully.

“Hey Sam!”

I turn around and grimace.

“Oh please no” I whisper to myself.

I guess I should explain this.

The boy running towards us is Alex. I don’t know who allowed it but when I was five William and Gabe adopted a child as well and here he is, as annoying as ever.

I hate that kid with his stupid blond hair and blue eyes. He looks like one of those guys in old movies.

Go die.

“Hey” Ryan greets.

“I’m coming with you! My class ended early today.” Alex explains and beams at us.

“Don’t you have like … a weird father to pick you up?” I ask harshly and Ryan rolls his eyes.

“They are both at work.” He shrugs.

I don’t get him. Everything I say to him is mean or sarcastic but he keeps talking to me. Well, maybe it’s because we were forced to spend time together since I’m five. I guess you could consider us friends in a way.

That doesn’t change the fact that I hate him.

Want a reason?

There is not fucking reason!

“No problem” Ryan says and looks up when the bus approaches.

 

*

 

“Since I had to pick you up I wasn’t able to get some food ready so you guys can just go do something that doesn’t involve me or being near me.” Ryan says when we walk inside.

The apartment is still the same and I don’t think we are ever going to move.

“Why is he here again? I don’t get it.” I whine.

“Gabe will pick him up in a few hours. Stop annoying me.”

“I love you too.” I hiss and stomp through the hall and into my room.

When I notice that Alex is following me I whirl around.

“Leave. Me. Alone.” I say slowly and run into my room, slamming the door shut.

Why don’t I have a fucking key for the door? This is not fair!

Seconds later the door opens slowly and Alex walks inside.

“Are you deaf?” I yell and throw a pillow at his head but he steps to the side so it hits the door.

“No”

I roll my eyes and fall down on the bed.

“Why do you hate me so much, Sam?”

DIE!

“I mean, we were getting along just fine for a few years.”

I remain silent.

“Maybe Dad is right and you’re just jealous because you were the center of attention right from the beginning and when I showed up that was over.”

My mouth falls open and I sit up to see a grin cover his face.

“You know it’s true.” He sing-songs and jumps on the bed next to me.

“I fucking hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Oh I do”

“Whatever”

He gets up and walks over to my desk.

“Did you even do your homework once in your whole life?” he laughs and observes the stack of papers lying on the table.

“Shut up. I know you’re a fucking nerd.”

“I’m not a nerd I’m just good in school.”

“Listen” I sigh. “I know our parents are like … best friends forever but that doesn’t mean we have to be.”

“I never said that.”

He turns his head to stare at me and I just stare back.

“Stop your staring contest and eat something.”

I blink a few times and look over to the door where Ryan is standing with folded arms. Alex nods and follows him out of the room.

Yes, I really hate him.

 

*

 

It’s evening and I sit on my bed with a book. I’m not really reading it. I just try to focus on something that isn’t my life.

When there’s a knock on the door I sigh and put the book away.

“Hey” Brendon greets and walks in.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing. I just wanted to say hey since I didn’t see you the whole day.”

“Okay”

I grab my book again and pretend to read.

“Also, Kitty sat in front of the door.”

The orange cat jumps onto the bed and meows. I smile at her and pet her head. She’s so old but I still love her.

“So you got into a fight again?”

I shrug and he just sighs and walks in completely.

“Sam, I know how hard high school is. Maybe Ryan doesn’t really know what the kids are like but I do. They harassed me as well.”

“But you had a normal family.”

“No, my family was mormon.”

“That still includes a mother and a father.”

He looks hurt and bites his lip.

“I’m sorry, Brendon.” I whisper.

“Don’t call me Brendon.”

“What should I call you then, huh?”

“Well, you called me Papa when you were younger.”

I raise my eyebrows at him and he smiles hopefully.

“Come on, I bet you can think about something better. I mean, you don’t call Ryan by his name.”

“He went from Daddy to Dad. That’s logical.”

“Whatever”

I wait a few seconds before I look down at my book again.

“I heard you and Alex don’t really get along.”

I don’t look up but close my book.

“Do you remember what Will always said when you were younger?”

“He said we would end up together.” I mumble angrily.

“Yep”

“I’m not gay.”

“But you never had a girlfriend either.”

“Brendon” I warn.

“The only friend you ever had was Alex and now you hate him. I don’t get you.”

“People started to call us boyfriends so I ended the friendship.”

“That’s not a reason to- ”

“Why are we even talking about this?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t understand why you push away your only friend.”

“He is not my  _only friend_.”

“Oh really? Then tell me who you’re friends with beside him.”

I just glare at him and remain silent because we both know I have no friends.

“I’m sorry. I think I’m just trying to say you shouldn’t push him away.”

“That’s my decision.”

He sighs and nods before he leaves the room without another word.

I feel bad about the way I treat both of them sometimes but that thought always occurs after I was mean. I guess that’s the curse you have to live with as a teenager.

I lean backwards and keep petting Kitty. Why did I even name her Kitty? I hate myself for that.

She starts to purr and jumps into my lap, looking up at me.

“What?” I ask and she meows. “I don’t speak  _cat_.”

She pushes her head against my chest to show that she wants to be cuddled and lies down.

“Sometimes I think  _you’re_  my only friend.”

 

*

 

The next day in school is kind of weird. Usually Alex stops by my locker to annoy me but today he just walks past me without noticing me at all.

I look after him with a frown but shrug it off.

The rest of the day isn’t really interesting and I’m happy when the last lesson ends and I’m allowed to leave.

Just when I’m about to walk out someone taps my shoulder and I whirl around, ready to bitch at Alex but it’s a girl.

I don’t think I know her. She might be in one of my classes but I can’t be sure. I have to prevent a grimace when I look at her face. It’s covered in way too much make up and her blond hair doesn’t really help.

Eww

“You’re Sam, right?” she asks.

“Yes”

“The one with the two Dads?”

I sigh and shake her hand off.

“That seems to be the only thing people know about me.” I hiss and make to turn away but she holds me back.

“Don’t be mad. I just wanted to ask if you would like to come to my party on Friday.”

I frown and look around.

“Is this a joke?”

Nobody invited me to a party. Ever.

“No” she answers and smiles. “So?”

“Uhm … why not?”

She beams and holds out a piece of paper for me to take. I grab it to see that her address is written on it.

“Thanks” I mumble and she winks at me and walks away.

“Are you going?”

I turn around to be faced with Alex.

“I guess I am” I say.

“Just so you know. I’m going to be there as well so don’t bitch about it when you see me.”

He smiles bitterly and pushes past me. I look after him for a few seconds before I shrug and leave the school.

 

*

 

“Dad?”

Ryan looks up at me from across the table.

“There’s a party this Friday and I wanted to ask- ”

“You’re not going.” He says and looks down at his plate again.

“What? Why not?”

“I’m not stupid. I know what happens at teenage parties.”

“Oh really?”

“Sex, drugs and rock’n’roll.”  
“Funny” I chuckle and narrow my eyes.

“Seriously, you’re not going.”

“But Dad- ”

“No”

I glare at him and get up to run into my room where Kitty is lying on the bed. When I fall down on the mattress she gets up and sits down next to my head.

“Don’t hate me but why now? No one ever invited you to a party so why now? I just don’t want you to walk into a trap.”

I raise my head to glare at Ryan who’s standing in the door.

“So what? I’m such a loser that there’s no possibility that someone would invite me to a party just because they want me to be there?”

“Sam, you know what I mean.”

Yes, I know what he means.

I sigh and push my face into the bedclothes again.

“We could do something on the weekend. I could call Will and all of us could- ”

“Hell no!”

“Why are you against everything?”

“I’m not against everything!”

Now it’s his turn to glare as he walks further into the room.

“Listen, I never say something. I just leave you to yourself but maybe that’s not the right thing to do.”

“What?”

“Sam, you’re miserable in school. You have no friends and the one you have hates you now and I can understand that. Every time Brendon or I try to talk to you, you just start to bitch at us and sometimes I don’t know if I should feel bad about even existing in your presence.”

I don’t move and just wait for him to go on about how much of a failure I am.

That doesn’t happen and when I look up again he’s gone.

“Dad?” I ask loudly and sit up.

“I’m going to visit Brendon at work!” he yells and then the front door slams shut.

I flinch and look down at Kitty who’s just staring back at me.

“Oh great. You judge me as well, huh?”

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

Everyone always says how hard it is to live with a teenager but no one told me it’s going to be this hard. I push the door open and walk into the Starbucks store. There are quite a few people so I just grimace and round the counter to push through the door.

“Bren?” I ask and walk through the tiny break room and into the so called office.

It’s not an office at all. Brendon doesn’t even work in there. All he does is lean back in the large chair while playing online games.

“Huh?” he asks when I storm in and let myself fall into one of the chairs. “Uhm … hey?”

I wave briefly and look away.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Oh it’s just the fact that Sam seems to hate us.”

He rolls his eyes and turns the computer off.

“He doesn’t hate us, you know that.”  
“Well … yes but- ”

“Stop. He wants to be alone. I understand that. He’s sixteen and thinks too much so let him.”

I sigh and lean backwards.

“He wants to go to a party this Friday. I said no.” I say.

“Why?”  
“Because I don’t want him to drink or something. He- ”

“This may sound harsh but he has to discover alcohol and sex and stuff like that himself. He’s not stupid, Ry.”

“But what if something happens. I mean, he never got invited to parties so this could be a big joke or something. I just don’t want him to get hurt.”  
“You always try to protect him. It’s cute but you can’t do it forever.”

I stare at him thoughtfully.

“Let him go to the party. He deserves it.” Brendon says and smiles.

“It’s your fault if something happens.”

He rolls his eyes playfully and gets up to round the table. I get up as well and then he’s standing right in front of me, leaning forward in a try to kiss me.

“No, I want a muffin.” I say and turn away to leave the room.

“Fucking tease”

 

*

 

**Sam’s POV**

 

“I don’t know what you did but it worked.” I say when I walk out of the apartment complex and towards Brendon who’s leaning on the wall.

It’s Friday evening and I’m about to attend my first party ever. Yes, I’m exited.

Brendon looks up and smiles before he brings the cigarette to his lips again.

“I thought you don’t smoke.” I say and lean against the wall next to him.

“Felt like it.” He shrugs.

I watch him for a while before I get an idea.

“Can I try?”

He looks down at me with an amused smirk.

“Ryan would kill me.”

“He doesn’t have to know. It’s better I try it now than with some people from my school I barely know.”

He looks up, considering.

“You do have a point there.” He says and holds the box out for me to take a cigarette while looking the other way. “I don’t see what you’re doing there so you could just take one without me noticing.”

I laugh and take one.

“This is your first and last cigarette ever. Understand?”

“Yep” I say and hold it out so he can light it.

When the end is glowing I observe it for a moment before lifting it to my lips. I inhale and start to cough immediately.

“Ew! Why would you do this? This is disgusting.” I ask between coughs.

Brendon laughs and takes the cigarette from me.

“Don’t you have to be at some party?”

“Yes, you’re right.”

I push myself off the wall and start to walk away.

“Wait! I have to give you the talk! No drugs! No alcohol! Bla bla.” I hear him yell.

“Aye aye!”

 

*

 

I already hear the music a block away. When I finally reach the house there are kids outside and the front door is open for everyone. People don’t even need an invitation for this.

The drunken kids around me freak me out when I walk inside where it’s not better. There are stumbling teenagers everywhere and I really want to leave again. This is not my scene at all.

“Sam!”

I look to my right to see the girl who invited me. Her outfit is kind of slutty and … no she is just slutty in general.

“Hey! It’s awesome that you’re here.”

She stumbles towards me and I have to hold her upright when she’s in front of me.

“Uhm, why did you even invite me? I don’t know you.”

“I’m in your math class, idiot.”

“Oh okay”

“My name’s Sophie, by the way. And for the reason why I invited you. You’re just incredibly cute and the fact that you were raised by fags makes it so much cuter.”

“Fags?” I ask and push her away, leaving her swaying. “I don’t think I should be here. Since my parents are  _fags_. Bye.”

I make to turn away but she grabs my arm and pulls me with her.

“No, don’t leave. You need to have a drink first.”

“I don’t want a drink.”

But we are already standing in the kitchen and Sophie pushes a cup towards me.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“Try it.”

I narrow my eyes at the stuff in the cup but take a sip.

“God, what is this. It tastes like gasoline with sugar.”

Ew.

“It’s vodka with skittles.”

“What?”

“What is the fag doing here?”

I grimace at the voice and turn around to face the guy who loves to beat me up.

“Hey Tony” I greet with a frightened smile.

“I invited him.” Sophie says.

“Why? Do you want to have a gay best friend?” Tony laughs and his friends chime in.

Sophie giggles as well and I just stand there awkwardly with the cup of gasoline in my hands.

“Look at him. Fag can’t even stand a bit alcohol.” Tony laughs and points towards me.

I glare at him and look down at the cup again before I grimace and gulp it all down.

Oh god, it’s burning my throat.

“Oh wow. What about another one?” Tony asks menacingly and pushes another one towards me.

I glare up at him but I won’t give up so easily.

 

*

 

I can’t remember how I ended up on this couch but I don’t really care. There are people everywhere and I just watch them while my mind isn’t working. Everything is funny so I’m wearing a stupid half-smile. I can’t really focus since everything is spinning.

“Hey, gay boy!”

I don’t know why I look up at the call but I don’t care at the moment.

“Come on. Play with us.”

I beam stupidly and get up before stumbling over to the circle of people I don’t know. They are playing spin the bottle and there are already quite a few couples making out. They probably don’t even know each other. A giggle escapes me just when the bottle spins again and points at me.

“Huh? What am I supposed to do?” I babble and the next thing I remember is that Sophie is sitting in front of me, leaning in.

Her lips meet mine and at first I don’t know what to do but then I start to panic when she tries to push her tongue past my lips. I push her away harshly and crawl backwards.

“Ew! Get away from me!” I yell and suddenly everyone is staring at me.

“Calm down. So you’re really a fag?” Tony asks and moment later everyone starts laughing but it’s not the nice laugh from five minutes ago.

They are laughing at me and not with me.

I look around frantically while they just keep laughing louder.

“I-I don’t- … stop.” I whisper but they just point at me and start calling me names.

I try to get up but the alcohol in my system doesn’t allow me to so I slump down again, tears hot in my eyes.

Suddenly there’s a figure crouching down next to me.

“Sam, come on. Let’s go.” He whispers and grabs my hands to pull me up.

“A-Alex?” I slur and he nods. “B-but- ”

“I told you I would be here as well.” He says and steadies me while heading towards the door.

“Why do you help me?”

“Because you’re my friend.”

“But I hate you.”

“Shut up”

I obey and let him lead me outside and along the sidewalk.

“Where are we going?” I ask when the music isn’t as loud anymore.

“I’ll get you home.”  
“No! D-Dad will know and then he gets mad.”

“He won’t.”

“He will!”

He sighs and we keep walking till me arrive at the park and he helps me sit down on one of the swings before he sits down on the one next to me.

“Alright, we’ll wait here till you’re not that drunk anymore.” He says.

When he remains silent after that my mind starts to wander. Why did I push Sophie away? It’s not because I’m gay, right?

Wait. I am not gay.

I close my eyes tightly and repeat that sentence in my head but it won’t sink in.

“Sam, are you okay? Are you feeling sick or something?” Alex asks and I shake my head.

“Which one of the questions did you answer?”

“Both”

“Oh” he whispers and starts to swing a bit. “Maybe I should call your parents after all.”

“No”

“Sam, come on. They won’t kill you.”

“But they will be disappointed.”  
He sighs once more and then silence washes over us again.

“I think you were right.” I whisper after a while and Alex frowns at me. “I mean what you said … why I don’t like you. I was always the center of attention and I liked it that way.”

Alex chuckles and looks the other way while I keep watching him.

“Aren’t your parents worried or something? Did they just agree when you told them you would go to a party?” I ask.

“They don’t really care. As long as I don’t end up like you they’re happy.”

“Wow, thank you very much.” I whisper and look down at the ground.

“Do you think you’re able to act normal enough so your parents won’t notice you’re drunk?”

I shrug and he sighs and gets up.

“Worth a try. I’m not your babysitter.”  
He reaches out and takes my hands to pull me to my feet. Then he starts walking, pulling me along by one hand.

Ten minutes later we reach the apartment complex and stop in front of it.

“So I hope you learned your lesson.” Alex says.

“Do you really think you’re that much more intelligent than I am?” I hiss and he chuckles.

“I never said that but I watched you the whole night, Sam. You wanted to leave right away but that idiot started to laugh at you so you did what he wanted. That’s so  _you_.”

“Oh god. School is going to be hell.” I whisper and bury my face in my hands.

“You were drunk. It doesn’t matter what you did.”

My hands fall down again while I just stare up at him.

“I guess I should thank you … and maybe I should apologize as well.” I whisper.

“Maybe”

Just then a thought occurs to me and I narrow my eyes while considering.

“Hey uhm … it’s just logical if both of us would end up gay as well, huh?” I chuckle nervously.

“I never said I’m not.” He shrugs.

I raise my eyebrows at him and he just smiles.

Suddenly he’s way closer than before and I don’t really know what to do. He obviously waits for me to do something but I’m just confused.

I blame the alcohol in my system for what I do next because I didn’t plan this to happen at all.

Slowly I lean forward till our lips are touching but as soon as it happened I end it again, staring up at Alex in shock.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t- ”

He cuts me off by grabbing my shoulders and throwing me against the wall.

“Shut up” he whispers and then he’s kissing me.

All of this is happening a bit too fast for my drunken mind right now so I just stand there and do nothing. When he draws back he’s smiling at me anyway.

“I guess you’re still too drunk, huh?” he asks.

“Uhm … why did you … what?”

“I’ll wait till you’re sober then.”

“What makes you think I’m going to play along then?”

“Well, angry sex is still the best sex.” He laughs and I raise my eyebrows and reach out to push his arms away.

“I’m just going to leave now.” I say and push the front door open.

“I guess I’ll see you in school then.” Alex yells behind me but I just climb the stairs and stop in front of the door.

When I’m about to get my key out it opens.

“You do know that we can see the entrance from our bedroom window, right?” Brendon asks with an evil smile.

“W-what?” I stutter and he laughs and pulls me inside.

“I’m not mad. It’s your fault when you have a hangover tomorrow.”

I blink up at him as if he just grew another head and then someone coughs and I turn my head.

“I’m not going to comment your momentary state.” Ryan says (bitches). “But I think I want to comment on what just happened.

“N-nothing happened.” I babble and both of them roll their eyes.

Ryan walks over to me and chuckles.

“Will was right.” He starts to chant and Brendon chimes in quickly.

I start to laugh and almost fall backwards.

“I hate you” I giggle and they just keep chanting.

“I think I’m going to call Will right away.” Ryan says and runs into the living room.

“No!”

I think I never said how much I love this family.

Maybe it doesn’t seem like it but I really do.


End file.
